Ellen K. WilliamsWHEN DREAMS DON'T COME TRUEI've started this piece ten times and I'm still not sure if I should write it. I'm the one who believes in gossamer dragonfly wings and elves and gnomes sliding down silvery moonbeams as the clock in the old tower peals the bewitching hour that echoes through the fog in the dark sleepy marshes. As I'm usually a positive person, who attempts to deliver a few chortles, knee-slappers and giggles, why am I writing about dreams that don't come true? Maybe it's easier to look at and write about the lighter side – it's certainly more fun; but what about our darker side? Is it to be ignored? Not at all – and that can be the problem. Just the anticipation of facing our old unresolved issues, (dreams/nightmares, or tragic events of our lives) to search inside our deepest self, is enough to send waves of fear shivering through some people to such a degree that many of us, will, avoid at any cost, the inward journey that might lead us to answers we're not sure we can handle. There are some folks, who for long periods of time, would mourn their dreams that never came true, and become stuck, in-between "letting go" and accepting their losses, or continuing to stay locked in with disappointment, and sadness. "When you wish upon a star…anything your heart desires, will come to you." "If you wish for something hard enough and long enough, it will come true." "Somewhere over the rainbow…and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true." Wouldn't it be simple and oh, so charming, if such naiveté was true? When we were children, we probably believed that dreams came true. If something we wished for materialized, by coincidence, then, that would have qualified as a "dreams come true…" However, it was long ago when, in our secret fantasies, we listened to the crickets sing at nightfall and in the morning, we tipped-toed out to the back porch and while everyone was asleep, we blew bubbles and sent them floating high on a breeze against a blue sky, catching the sun's prismatic rays and long ago when we wanted something so bad, we said we "could taste it." In support of the dream theory, weren't we also told "If you want something hard enough and long enough, it will come to you," and if you persevere, there's nothing you can't do? These were common ideals and mottos shared by many families and individuals. We tried hard to live by those words: creating different behaviors, philosophies, and attitudes, even attempting to copy our role models who had seemingly conquered their heart's desire. But, year after year of growing up, out and older, we saw ourselves, not becoming an astronaut, or valedictorian, not an opera singer or first prize winner; but accepting instead, second place, almost there, and " maybe tomorrow" along with that old favorite: " we'll see. " It was not because we didn't try; we did try and tried hard, many times, sometimes over and over again, but it seems something always got in the way: bad breaks, bad luck, poor timing, health problems, finances, and/or, the kids. What happened to the dreams? What did we do with them? We were busy going, coming, being and doing, otherwise known as "living," and in so doing we buried the hurt, the disappointment and the sadness that goes along with any unresolved and unhappy event. It became too easy to stuff them away in some hidden corner of our psyche, our deep inner self, that we could almost forget their existence. It never really worked, however, ‘cause just when you think everything is going along fine, that old familiar, and unwanted gnawing starts in your belly and creeps its way up to remind you – it's waiting, patiently; your unfinished goals and yearnings want your attention. They want you to deal with them and until you do, they will refuse to leave. In counseling, those sleeping goals are commonly referred to as "unfinished business." In other words, those pieces and bits of unhappiness just want to be recognized and not ignored. Ignoring them makes them grow larger and out of proportion with the rest of your life. There are a few theories that suggest that folks who avoid facing their sad side and old unfinished issues, are prone to frequent changes of location, moving from one house to another, or to one state to another, or frequently changing jobs or marital partners, heavy use of recreational drugs or in general, may have acquired a high need of pleasure satisfaction. Some people grow inpatient or irritable after years of bumping into their tired and weary dreams and pretending they don't exist, pretending they're not painful. Eventually, some of us may find some guidance from talking with a counselor about your buried issues and/or using the endless supply of self-help books found on-line, in libraries and book stores. Learning a new way of looking at our past is helpful, such as: "I never made it as an airline pilot and I'll always be miserable about that." A healthier way of looking at that failure is: "even though I didn't make it as a pilot and maybe I didn't give it my best shot, doesn't mean I'll live with guilt and sadness for the rest of my life. Some of the sadness is real, things like that happen in life, but I can accept that and live with it. I'll never be happy about it, but I don't have to be miserable. After all, I'm not perfect." Facing ourselves can be such a relief and rarely, is the outcome as traumatic or fearful as we anticipated. In fact, the outcome usually brings a sense of a more comfortable you........ ready to join the elves and gnomes and slide down the silvery moonbeams…….and that's what I'd like to do……….. "When Dreams Don't Come True."
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