Tom Hudgens

LANDSCAPE OF MY LIFE

It is a strange and unsettling thing to be moving
out of the scene-
To watch as my cohorts take their places around the edges
and recesses, blurred and out of focus-

We have become incidental figures in our own painting.
nameless and of no particular import,

like the passage no one notices at first glance-
perhaps even the artist has forgotten ?

After all these years, only an expert can offer interpretation as
to what we meant and who we were .

We have become historical details or even worse,
art-history test questions ?

It is dark in this corner, in shadow and undertone-
but I say it is only for a moment that I stay.

I look back now and see fading glimpses
of the the landscape of my life

and, if I allow them in, melancholy and regret
will be constant companions-

I take captive those thoughts, with some success, and remember that I
was created by One who lives in unapproachable light-

He is the painting and the Artist, the Beginning
And the end-

He is the Light and its source, the focal
point where life begins.

and yet, knowing this my old eyes still search out lies
and how I wish I could go back-

To create worlds with my own hands and
circumscribe their limits.

How can this be, that I would mourn
my failing hands and eyes
when I am close to a Kingdom now
where they both will be obsolete.

It is a strange, unsettling thing to venture
from the known-
To walk in light, as He is light
yet still be in my room.

It's much too late for this line of thought
and brushes still need to be cleaned-

I'll leave my questions for the existentialist
down the street-

He exists, I understand, so perhaps he doesn't
worry with aging. As for me, I can live with my questions-

pain can be good for the soul. God knows,
and , besides, joy comes in the morning.

Tom Hudgens was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease 8 years ago, and has been disabled for almost five years now. He is a former firefighter, then a licensed professional counselor and adjunct instructor in psychology at the college level.