Mark Langer

THIS MOSES (I'm Leaning Towards Faith)

This Moses nears the threshold of the Promised Land
Moving forward half the distance,
Then half again in the calculus of approach.
Drawing closer, he never arrives.

Wandering the barren limbo
Crying out for the waters of understanding
Striking out in anger to force the flow.

Frustrated
    by what he can no longer do
    by what he can't explain
    by what he doesn't understand
Frustrated...

Remembrances of the past are tightly held
Lest they slip away.
He longs for remembrances of a future
But his impoverished memory works in only one direction.

In time to come friends gather
Rolling away the stone at the sepulcher
Not comprehending what they see and what they do not see
He is found, but not where he was found before.

This Moses, too, rolls a stone
A biblical Sisyphus
Moving forward, moving upward
Crushed, he begins anew
Nearing the threshold of the Promised Land.

* * *

THE CONVERSATION

"You should just..."
"I would, but..."

It's the conversation that goes on and on.

"I can't."
"No, you won't."
"No, I can't."

That part of me doesn't work.
The lights are out.
The power is cut off.

Are you listening to me?
Are you hearing what I'm saying?

"You'll do it when you really want to."
"I want to right now.
I'd do it if I were able."

Disabled
Differently-abled,
What you call it doesn't matter.
The changed ability does.

"You used to..."
"That person no longer exists."
"But you're standing here in front of me."

The face is familiar.
The body looks the same.
But have you looked closely?
Have you asked the hard questions?

Are you listening to me?
Are you hearing what I'm saying?

Mark Langer is from the San Francisco area. Formerly a chiropractor, he was diagnosed with MS (2002) In a 2005 cycling accident (not due to MS), he sustained a TBI and had 2 strokes. He is currently writing a book on TBI - a memoir / roadmap for others.