Paul Kahn

When I am dead these pages will be my Eucharist,
reading them my sacrament. Do this for me:

hold them. Hold the words in your mouth.
You know how much I longed to be held and known.

Do not be afraid because they taste of blood and semen
and remind you of how I suffered for my desires.

All that will be over, even what I desired from you.
You will have nothing to fear -- for me or from me.

When you're tired of me put me down
and go on with your life without obligation or guilt

***

KATHARINE'S ROOM

In Katharine's room I like undressing.
In Katharine's room I crawl out of the shroud of my shame.
I watch her watching me and drink
encouragement from her eyes.

In Katharine's room I shiver in my briefs.
I lie on her table, and she covers me with a sheet.
I pulse between relaxation and anticipation.
My blood is like mercury,
charting the temperature of my desire
for Katharine's touch.

In Katharine's room I submit to her hands.
I close my eyes. Like a cat I drowse in the lap of her care.
My body opens to her like an old, locked diary,
the spine cracking and the dry pages exhaling their secrets.
She reads me with her hands.

In Katharine's room I float, unafraid of gravity.
She is the salt mother.
She will support me.

In Katharine's room I do not hate my body anymore.
In Katharine's room I am happy to have this body
that can feel her friendly heat.
I am happy to let her sculpt me
with her kindness and her hands.
She remakes me into something close to beautiful.

In Katharine's room I do not have to be
only a talking head--all brain and tongue and greedy eyes.
I do not have to talk at all.
There is nothing to say. Words make categories -
harsh lines between the spirit and the flesh,
between the permissible and the forbidden.

Katharine's hands, sliding down my body, blur categories.
In Katharine's room I don't have to decide
what anything means.

Paul Kahn's plays have been staged in California, Maine, Massachusetts, New York, Pennsylvania and Rhode Island. In addition to writing plays, he was an editor, feature writer and poet. He received support for his writing from Sarah Lawrence College, the Massachusetts Cultural Council, and the Christopher Reeve Paralysis Foundation. And received prizes for his plays from the Acme Theater and the Firehouse Center for the arts. Kahn was a frequent contributor to Wordgathering and the work of the Inglis House Poetry workshop.